Disclosure: this doc expresses how I think and feel today. I don’t want to convince anyone about anything, neither judge their lifes, feelings or points of views.
I’m only sharing it because after I resigned my job many have asked me how I was and which were my plans, and in addition, it could also inspire others.
At the end of it I explain why I wrote it in English.
Part I – Intro
This is a personal journal I wrote in May 2018 that tries to better explain what I’m doing and why I’m doing it. Let me start by the beginning…
Since very young there where things that didn’t make me feel completely comfortable, I guess that happens with most of us, we don’t choose where we are born (body, family, town…), but moreover, with time, I realized about two more things.
First, I started noticing a trend in a direction where I didn’t feel part. From the products we consume, the topics we talk, the kind of interpersonal relations we have, the trash that we make, the news that we are feed, the challenges we have and the way we try to solve them… almost everything didn’t make much sense.
Second and more important of all, I realized that I could choose, I know this might sound stupid, but I think most of us don’t notice how much we can choose and don’t take advantage of that privilege. Of course, I was lucky enough to be raised in a place where I didn’t need to worry about food, shelter, education, etc., but I still thought it wasn’t enough, that having didn’t mean good, and even worst, in many occasions, having would not allow me to be myself. So far I think I haven’t been choosing much and that’s surviving, today if there is one thing, I want to choose to live over survive.
I’ve also wondered and dreamed about how could I do more to those who didn’t were that lucky as me, in fact, I did a lot of volunteer work for that purpose when I was in high school and university. It was probably in my family and culture to work for the rest, after all, most of us eat every day, probably take a shower every day, we even can decide where to work and live. However, I know it might sound selfish, but the more I questioned myself what I could do, the more the answer was: the best way to share, is to share your best self, and I had so much to improve that I don’t want to wait any more, no economic stability, job, title or any shit that society tells us we need to have to achieve, I think I know where I want to go and I want to do it now.
Now
I have been working in tech for the last 10 years, where the hype, enthusiasm and eye balls have been growing more and more. I have to admit it, I fucking love the industry, that’s where knowledge get over opinions, where things get done and when not, something is learnt, and most of all, it gathers many of people I like to be with. In other words, where I really feel comfortable, challenged and appreciated. But it wasn’t enough for me, and actually, I think money and many other distractions aren’t bringing the best of it. This is part of something which I don’t belong, or I don’t want to belong to.
So when I quit the job I had at the company I started 10 years before, many asked me which would be my next venture, the next product or service that I would like to develop, and honestly, I didn’t felt the will and desire to do anything. Of course, every day or week I find something that I would really like to have or develop that makes so much sense, but immediately I asked myself: really? How many more apps do we need to improve our life? And the more I thought about it, the more I answered myself: actually, we need less apps.
I also started realizing that many things that I love and didn’t made any “harm” where a little unbalanced. Just to mention two, the first was the city, and the second, my PC, let me explain them better.
I l-o-v-e to live in a city, even more one like Buenos Aires. Friends, art, tech, party, the culture in general and many things that I like are there, but in a way, I think to much of that wouldn’t take me to the place I want. The same happened with my PC, I love to be working (or whatever I’m doing) on it, there is such a connection that I feel like if there wasn’t a human being interacting with a tool, but just one thing, man and machine completely embedded one on each other. I can be 10hs in front of it without eating or going to pee and I have been doing that about 5 or 6 days a week. Now again, although I love it and I didn’t see anything wrong, something was telling me that another 10 years could go like that and this would take me to a place that doesn’t look to what I need.
Then I started to make some changes, I began meditating, yoga, reading about more spirtual stuff (what many of us do I guess), and I even went to live to a motorhome (from now one E1) by the beginning of 2017, the goals where mainly to be more in contact with nature, to “have less” things and to learn more about motorhomes (an old one like mine I know it would give me a lot of work), I have always felt enchanted by them. And I wont tell it was easy, there are many things that don’t work as easy in a mobile vs a fixed home (water, dumping, electricity to mention some), and even less in a very low prepared place like Buenos Aires, but after more than one year, I can tell it was one of the best experiences I had in my life.
However, now I can tell it isn’t enough, that I’m ready for more, that I may change my home, I can be more conscious about my food, the news I consume, my fitness, but if I want to go deeper, the next stage I think it is to make a change in the environment completely, and that’s what I want to do for the next years or decade.
Next
Then the plan is to find a place where I feel I better belong and will provide the foundations for the life I want to develop for myself. Then move to that place, get the resources and start building a space that would provide my basic needs. Finally, develop all this place in the most sufficient and environment way possible. Actually, if I really would like to help others, probably the best way to do it today is by leaving the earth as nice as it has always been, we of course need a world with more rights and opportunities, but over all, I think we’re reaching an unriversable point with our environment, and that could be worst than anything for the future generations.
I’m seeking for a place and environment where the earth, me as a human being, and the sky are one, as any other specie or being would do with their home. All this better explained in the next part.
If you want to continue reading: A Personal Journal – Part II
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Why in English?
English is the language imposed by the empire that dominates the world by the time I was born, with all the good and bad things it haves to live under an empire, in other moments it would have been latin, arabic or mandarin.
I’m writing this doc in English cause I want to let as many people be able to understand it, disregarding their background and culture they had. I’m aware that for my friends who know me in my mother tongue might not sound the same, but I prefer that over being misunderstood by many others over the translation.
Thank to all the friends who read this doc in advance and gave feedback. Also and specially to all those who serve for inspiration to make it happen.